Parity Power Rankings: Playoff Preview

It's mayhem out there folks, so what better way to take your mind off the plague-riddled fascist geese in our midst than to engage in breathless Parity speculation?

Emboldened by the success of my Parity prediction simulator, which has achieved a sumptuous 74% success rate this season, today I present you with a new prognostication product: the Parity power rankings!

The methodology is simple. Using the simulator, I play a 100-round tournament between all eight teams—that’s a total of 2,800 simulated games—and see how they all stack up. I give each team a rating out of 10 points that corresponds to their win percentage in the simulated tournament and then I add a bunch of unsolicited editorial commentary.

So, which GM has assembled the most promising roster as we head into the playoffs of a most unusual season? Let’s see what the algorithm has to say!

1. Forehanded Complements (Team Jamie): 7.2

GM Jamie has somehow managed to assemble a team with not only the two best women in the league—the incredibly consistent Katelyn Fontaine and the unstoppable Valerie Shannon—but also the strongest open player this season, Étienne Pépin. The Katelyn-Valerie duo is so dominant that most teams have little hope of guarding one of them, let alone both. And for his part, Étienne has cemented himself as a premier offensive and defensive threat this season. With Patrick Legare, Colin Scarffe and Matthieu Tanguay available to keep the disc moving in the backfield, the Complements have no shortage of offensive options and solid defensive matchups. They’re the team to beat heading into playoffs.

2. Absolute Tossers (Team Kells): 6.4

It hasn’t always been smooth sailing for the Tossers, who came out of the gate with a 1-3 record, but their fortunes turned around with the mid-season acquisition of the mercurial superstar Patrick Mapp. Paired with breakout receiver Tasha McFarland, who leads the league with 33 goals, and with Al Colonnier, Alexandrine McCue and Jon Rowe working the midfield, this is a team to be reckoned with.

3. Just Another Yannick Monday (Team Yannick): 6.1

Rookie GM Yannick Castonguay-Page hasn’t shied away from splashy moves in his efforts to find a winning formula this season. His latest pickup is Winnipeg wunderkid Mark Carlson, who adds even more firepower to a lineup that already features Hugh “Doc” Podmore, Mat Landry and all-time Parity goal scoring leader Jim Robinson.

The big question for Parity observers is whether that core can do it alone, or whether they’ll lean on the depth of talent available on the roster. By the numbers, Yannick has one of the most underutilized lineups of women of any team in the league.

4. Owen's Picks (Team Steve): 4.9

The Owens came out of the gate flying with four straight wins and remain in first place in the standings—with the highest Spirit score—even after GM Steve was forced to trade away much of his drafted talent. The veteran duo of Michelle Warren and John Haig has orchestrated a steady and productive offense all season long and will be bolstered by a number of recent acquisitions, including the enviable end zone targets of Hayley Munoz and Chun Chang. Monster athlete Marcus Bordage, who’s flown under the radar this season, is poised for a breakout playoff after being traded from Team Al.

5. Measure Twice, Cut Once (Team Al): 4.8

MTCO runs through the steady hands of Gen Labelle, Tom Newman and Parity newcomer Max Tomashevsky, though their possession-oriented offense has at times suffered from the unsteady hands of their fearless leader, Al Colantonio, who has a league-leading 42 throwaways on the season.

Incredibly, GM Al has been involved in only 6 transactions this season. The next lowest is 14! He drafted a team he liked, and he’s sticking with (most of) them to the end. Will that familiarity pay dividends on the playoff stage?

6. Pump and Dump: Penny Stocks for Layout Blocks (Team Perry): 4.1

By many measures, Brian Perry is already the greatest player in the history of Parity League. Adding a third championship to his trophy shelf would further cement his legacy (and his ego). With a supporting cast that includes speedster Kate Achtell, defensive rock Kelsey Charie, quarterback Alyssa Mainwood and the versatile Allan Godding, he could well do so. Yet for all its talent, P&D:PSFLB has struggled against other top teams this season, and the algorithm has concerns about the Pumpers’ ability to generate blocks and the Dumpers’ ability to convert break opportunities.

7. Harry Hopper and the Order of the BHX (Team Emily): 3.4

The Hoppers lead the league with 168 throwaways, which is one of the reasons why they sit last in the standings with only one regular season win. In her efforts to shake things up, GM Emily has made a league-leading 18 transactions this season and finds herself with a very different roster than the one that struggled earlier in the year. Now with the veteran poise of Andrea Proulx, Graham Brown and 30-goal-scorer Thomas Sattolo to balance out the scintillating, if inconsistent, talents of the likes of Max Ayad and the eponymous Harry Hopper, this team heads into playoffs with something to prove.

8. Error 404 Handler Not Found (Team Ainsley): 3.2

No team has struggled more with player absences than the 404s, whose embattled leader, GM Ainsley, has been working the phones all season just to field a team. But it’s not all bad news. Thomas Stanton of Ottawa Outlaws fame has been rising to new heights each week and looks undervalued heading into playoffs. Caitlin Hesketh is having a breakout season with 22 goals. And the late acquisition of Parity veterans Mehmet Karman and yours truly offers a potentially stabilizing presence in the backfield. Playoffs will be an uphill battle for this squad, but if we can say anything with confidence about Parity League, it’s that anything can happen.

So there you have it, the state of play as we head into the final weeks of session 1. Disagree? Share your own rankings below!

p.s. You can find the results of the whole 2800-game simulated tournament in the shared predictions folder.